i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
