I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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