you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
