Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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