My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
