I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They have beer where we have blood.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
