whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
