The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
