Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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