a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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