Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
