Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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