i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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