You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
