Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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