I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
