too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize