if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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