9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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