Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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