dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
