you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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