Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
