Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
