One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
