Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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