Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
