You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
