You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
