you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
