found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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