i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
