Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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