Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
