i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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