Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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