so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
