i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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