he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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