When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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