Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
