I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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