dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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