I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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