I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
