have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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