He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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