she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
