Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He did a backflip because drugs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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