I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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