awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
