I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
