i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize