did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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