are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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