also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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