you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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