Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
