And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
