I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
