At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
