HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
