I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
