I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
