You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
not ubering you a puppy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
