I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
