Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
