So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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