Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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