I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
