i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
