Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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