You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
