how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
