apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
