tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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