that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
