I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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